Perseverance

Sometimes it seems as though the entire world is working against you; that you'll never get ahead in life, never be listened to, never live out all of those dreams. That the ruling force is money, and that only those with extra reserves are the ones who 'matter'. That only those who cheat, lie and bribe (and get away with it) are heard. That big businesses rule the nation and our entire political system is corrupt. That it is all about who you know, not what you know; name recognition and celebrity rather than true talent and the want for all to succeed; how much you can pay someone to 'get ahead' rather than how much time and effort you are willing to sacrifice.

It is for this reason that I commend all of those who dare to persevere. Those who work hard to better themselves, stand up for what they believe and push forward through even the most difficult of times.


Last night I watched as my father, Gordon, stood before an audience in Abilene and discussed his second published work, Battles in the Alps: A History of the Italian Front of the First World War.
It has been his lifelong dream to write, and to write specifically about this subject matter: WWI. He worked his entire life so that my sister and I could always get what we needed. Now he is living out his dream.
Getting to this point wasn't easy, and pushing ahead still isn't. His manuscripts have been sent to dozens of publishers. His writing is fabulous. His knowledge unbeatable. But he doesn't have name recognition, a big degree to flaunt or plentiful money for promotion.
Luckily he has the willingness to fight on, to believe in his work and his ambition, and to hope that one day his efforts will be worth the aggravation.


This morning I attended a press conference in Abilene, put on by the Sierra Club and Public Citizen of Texas. The focus: EPA's recent acknowledgement of the corrupt happenings within the TCEQ (Texas Commission on Environmental Quality) and the fact that Texas is essentially ignoring the Clean Air Act (and has been for years).





We also brought attention to the proposed Tenaska Trailblazer Energy Center, a coal-fired power plant, (that is scheduled to be built roughly 1 mile from my current residence) and the negative impacts it will have on the entire area. This has been an ongoing fight for all of us...

The forces are working against us, and we know it. But it hasn't stopped us yet. We established our own non-profit, the Multi-County Coalition. I personally have been down to Austin twice to participate in testimony before the House. On October 14th those of us who are willing to speak out will, once again. This time it is a preliminary hearing for our long- sought-after contested case hearing.

We have been called everything under the sun and more. That's fine. We have trouble getting the backing of local citizens out of fear. Okay. But we won't back down. Tenaska has far more money than we ever will, lobbyists in Austin and Washington 24/7, and the support of Texas representatives. The odds are not in our favor.



But we will fight until there is nothing left to fight for or with......

And then there is me. Me and my spine, specifically.

Few know much about this struggle. I have learned over the years that people are mean, jealous and outright evil. They want to see others fail. They want to make you feel bad about yourself.

This does not pertain to all people, of course. But it is the few who have made me feel like lesser of a person over the years who have led to my distrust in people as a whole.

I have battled my spine since I was about 16.

Three surgeries failed me, as did my surgeon who has since fled the country. Last I heard he was wanted by the FBI, had let someone bleed to death on the operating table, and had hundreds of malpractice claims against him.

I was one of them.

Due to the statute of limitations in Nevada I was unable to do anything about my case. I tried though, with everything that I had. I can only hope that he knows, and forever thinks about the fact that, he ruined me. Physically, emotionally, spiritually.

I have lived with daily pain since those days back when I was 16. I am close to turning 30 now. I learned early on how to hide the pain---don't walk certain ways, don't display certain facial expressions. Sometimes I hide it better than others. Lately, it seems near impossible to hide the fact that even walking is getting more and more difficult.

I once said that when the day came that I could not partake in my favorite activity--walking/hiking--that it would not be worth it anymore. What I can physically do is becoming less and less. Activities I once thrived in are a thing of the past. It is extremely difficult to accept, and even harder to realize. And it embarrasses me, as stupid as that sounds.

For now, I will leave the story at that. There are further details that I have yet to express to many people outside of my immediate family. It is just hard for the average person to understand, and I cannot necessarily hold that against anyone....especially my dearest friends.

My point in writing this is that through all of this strife, I have pushed on. I graduated high school as valedictorian despite having three surgeries within the year. I went back to school to obtain a Bachelor's degree and graduated as Magna cum Laude. Now I am 5 classes away from a Master's degree.

I take pride in all of the volunteer work that I partake in. I enjoy giving my time and believe that if we all gave even just a little we would be better people, and therefore a better nation, overall.

My dream since childhood has been to travel the world. So I started to. It isn't easy, and certainly not cheap (although I am the ultimate bargain hunter), but I know that this may be my one chance to see all that I want to see. While I have the opportunity, I will take it.

I have also learned a lot about life in general from this experience, despite its overall negative effect on my being. It changed me as a person. I was once money driven, set out to 'take over the world'. I once rushed around, taking little or no time to enjoy what surrounded me at any given point. I once didn't know what it felt like to be ridiculed because of a deformity that I had no control over.

I once didn't realize what a strong person I really am; that my willingness to push on would lead me down the path that it has. I have been to many wonderful places, met amazing people, and participated in events that will forever shape my life and the lives of those around me. I have stood up to the reality that I face and pushed through it, worked with it, and made the absolute best of it that I can.

I have persevered.

Side view of my spine (kyphosis)