Of The Past But Not Forgotten

I oftentimes find myself thinking about the various individuals who have come into my life over the years. I am a true believer in the old adage that 'everything happens for a reason'; therefore people come and go at differing moments in our lives for some defining purpose. Usually we just don't realize it at the time. Sometimes we never realize it at all.

It is those who touch our lives so deeply, become dear friends--best friends--momentarily, and then depart for no apparent reason who leave me baffled and confused. For, following in my belief, there must be a good reason for the quick-lived friendship.

In most instances, peoples' lives become busy and contact is lost. There is no specific reason, no hard feelings, no dislike for each other...it just happens. It is when contact is lost for a reason, and when that reason is left unspoken that I find myself longing for closure.

I will assume that this has happened to most people: you meet, become great friends, 'hang out' all the time, then *poof* the friendship is over. That individual who became your 'second half', of sorts, disappears into the great unknown, vanishing from your life seemingly forever. You are left with no explanation, no goodbye, no nothing.

This has happened to me, personally, at least three times. Each person who 'disappeared' was a dear friend, someone who I trusted and greatly enjoyed spending my spare time with. Each befriended me at a different stage of my life, allowing for subsequent growth into a truly spectacular relationship. A relationship that would result in my labeling s/he my 'best friend'. For me, this is a rarity. I don't quickly latch on to others; I don't trust many people; I am severely independent and relish my time spent alone. In other words, for me to really want to spend a lot of time with another person...well, they must be someone special.

All of these people (three of whom I will briefly discuss and whose names I will change) made a great impression on my life, whether they know it or not. Memories of our adventures and laughs still bring a smile to my face; still allow for a chuckle; still result in sadness, considering that a friendship is no more. I truly cherish my friends. They become a part of me; family in a sense. To lose them, or rarely see them, is devastating.

Jessica

Jessica was one of my best friends in high school. We could understand each others' sick humor and share our hate for band class. She was there for me through my spinal surgeries; something I will always be grateful for.
One night after a concert I dropped her off at home. I didn't hear from her again, and for no apparent reason. Years later I got a random invitation to her wedding with a request that I possibly be a bridesmaid...and that was it.

Leslie

Leslie and I met on a canoe trip through Black Canyon on the Colorado River. From that moment on we were essentially inseparable. Weekends were spent travelling through Arizona, Utah and Nevada, camping and hiking to our hearts' content.
Leslie came to Wyoming to pick me up one winter. Upon dropping me off in Vegas, she drove away...never to be heard from again. To this day I have no idea what I did--or didn't do--but I miss our friendship greatly.

Karl

Karl and I met in Alaska, where we both worked for Gates of the Arctic NP. Our friendship seemed to blossom quite quickly and we hit it off very well. Soon, we were travelling throughout the southwest in his pretty yellow plane, landing in obscure locations and seeing what others rarely get the chance to experience. He treated me like a queen and we could laugh about almost anything.
So when he decided to shut me out forever, seemingly because I was sick and admittedly in a bad mood, it left me utterly confused, lost and deeply hurt. At least in this instance, I had a quasi-explanation for the departure.


Besides the obvious--the laughs, smiles, fun, adventure and sheer joy they provided--there is a reason that each of these individuals stepped into my life, no matter how brief the encounter. They brought with them knowledge and experience that forever changed who I am and who I will become. I learned valuable lessons about myself, my relationships with others, life, love and hurt.

But were these individuals 'true' friends? This question plagues my mind often. Could a true friend desert another so blatantly, so hurtfully? Would a true friend really walk away, no explanations, from someone who had become a part of their life in such a big way?

Life certainly leads us down many unknowing, confusing, seemingly unnecessary paths. A walk down any path will lead to a lesson of great value. Perhaps I just have yet to learn the true lesson(s) encrypted in these friendly encounters.

This certainly has not taken away from my desire to reunite with each of these friends past. I long to hear how they are, where life has taken them, what I ever did to curb their friendship.
I can only hope that one day our paths will cross again, that our friendship be rekindled. Perhaps one day we can, together, look back at the fun we had, forget the nonsensical events that resulted in our parting, and once again be key elements in each others' lives.