On Candid Camera?

I dreaded the idea of yet another individual walking by and causing for the odor to follow the draft and penetrate my bubble of fresh scent. I couldn't devise any more crafty ways to pull my shirt over my nose or block my sniffing powers with delicate placement of fingers or hands.

There was no hiding my dismay.

Maybe that is why the instructor in my first Census Bureau training course had his nose to the notebook and was blasting through our modules. Every time he glanced at me I gave him a look---either one of despair or one with humor in my eyes.

I'm not trying to be mean. But, with the camping experience that I have and the many times that I have gone a full fourteen days sans shower---I know when I smell. I can smell myself.


So sitting behind perhaps the most despicably smelling being that I have ever encountered for a full day was...........rough.

Wow. If this guy couldn't smell himself, then I suggest he go to an ear, nose and throat specialist for evaluation.

And leave it to me to be sitting directly behind him. With each passing trainer, the smell was carried in their draft...straight back to me. With every movement he made the stench grew stronger. I had a headache all day. I was in a state of 100% pure misery.

Then there was the loud fart he let out. And the huge belch. No qualms about it. Just let 'er rip. Full force.

Our decency and professionalism worn thin, the instructors and I could no longer hide our complete disdain. They would walk by holding their breaths, or display sour-puckered-pickle faces upon catching a sniff. I spent the last half of the day getting creative with my shirt, my jacket and even my hair---anything to mask the smell and protect my poor nose from the funk.

I would occasionally start laughing. I couldn't help it. Again, its not out of disrespect or meanness. I've smelled rank before too. But I wasn't attending my first (or any) day of work at a new job.

It's moments like these that make me stop and wonder if it was all a joke. Was I being taped...having a trick played on me? Was my patience and kindness being tested?

Tomorrow, I am sitting in the absolute, exact, extreme, complete opposite corner of Mr. Smelly. Let one of my class/team mates deal with the stench this time around. Yeah---take one for the team, buddy.

I earned my dues already.