Building on my Quiet Strength

I am a very quiet person.

Always have been; likely always will be.

Finally, I read a book that allows me to feel good about my quiet nature.

Just yesterday I finished The Introverted Leader: Building on your Quiet Strength, a book that I had been waiting all summer to get my hands on. I knew, based upon the reviews and synopsis, that it would suit me perfectly. It does.

I have always been tormented for being quiet, and continue to be to this very day. We live in an extroverted world, where relationships (both personal and business) are built upon being loud, rowdy, going out for drinks or going to the club. I am not a drinker, a clubber, nor loud--as I have established. Therefore, building relationships of any kind is extremely difficult for me.

It isn't easy being quiet. In school you are picked on and called inappropriate names. I actually did have a classmate who, rather than learn my name, referred to me as "smart girl". I can still picture one moment when he continually called me, hoping to garner the answer to an assignment question, and I--being who I am--blatantly ignored him. I have a name and it is not 'smart girl'.

In high school people thought I was mean or that I never did anything but homework. It is as if they pictured me buried in a pile of paperwork, deep down in some dreary basement...doing nothing but playing with calculators and chemistry sets all day. Just because I am quiet?

Huh?

As I grow older, many of the annoyances of my peers are disappearing. I no longer (usually) have to hear about how small my boobs are or how round my butt is. People don't tend to care about my choice of clothing or desired hobbies. But people still care that I am soft spoken. I get comments all the time, and can never figure out what the big issue really is.

I think that the loud, extroverted people of the world just fail to understand us mere introverts. We are seen as weak and boring; uninteresting and snobbish. I fail to see any of those traits in myself, or in any other introverts that I know.

We are so misunderstood.

And what a shame it is. Really. We quiet ones are listeners, thinkers and highly intelligent. Not that I am boasting on my brain power, but it is a proven fact. Those who speak less are generally far more intelligent than those who can't shut up. We tend to take in all the details, run them through our heads a thousand times....and then finally come up with an answer or opinion that is well thought out, detailed and intense.

It's called thinking before you speak...and potentially make a complete fool of yourself.

I always feel as though others think I am a complete idiot. In big groups I rarely speak up; freak encounters are very uncomfortable for me; meeting new people is difficult. But society has decided that if you don't speak up, don't make your presence known and dominate a conversation, you are clearly too stupid to care, too snobby to participate or absolutely uninterested in anything that anyone has to offer. Quite the opposite.

As I have already suggested, us quiet folks like to listen and digest. Speak to one of us and every word of your monologue will be heard. Trust me. We are some of the best listeners out there. And we care. I have always prided myself on the fact that anyone could tell me their deepest, darkest secret and it would never escape my lips. The opinions requested in regards to said secret would be genuine and true. The advice, as clear and absolute as possible.

We are hard to get to know, I will admit that outright. I, for one, rarely divulge many facts about myself or personal life. I know people notice and I know it annoys them. I had one person tell me that our friendship was 'one sided'. But to me, it is one's own choice what they choose to discuss with others. If you choose to let loose and tell me all of the family dirt....well, that is your choice. Don't expect me to do the same. Especially since I have little to no dirt to expose.

It doesn't make me any lesser of a friend, does it?

Thanks to Dr. Kahnweiler (author of the book) I can begin to work on becoming more of a respected presence in any situation. It is an acquired skill, not one that comes easily to any introvert. It takes much practice, believe it or not.

I oftentimes watch my extroverted peers who can walk into a room, join a conversation and become the life of the party....poof....just like that. People respect them, listen to them and laugh at their jokes. They look 100% comfortable with the situation at hand and act as pros in a competitive game.

I oftentimes wish that I could be like that....

And perhaps one day I will....

But it means a change in who I am and what makes me me.

Is it worth it?

Doubtful.

Let others appreciate me for who I am. Quiet personality and all.