The Final Hours...

Five hours remain until I have completed my meatless month. It went by amazingly fast...and wasn't so bad.

Until I got a nice big whiff of anything...meaty.

Those chicken nuggets. That baked chicken. The disgustingly greasy burgers at the local fast food joints.

Mmmm....do they smell good.

Then there is the turkey sausage that has been staring at me for two weeks, calling out my name whenever I open the refrigerator.

Whitney!!!! Check out my succulent meatiness!! Bite me baby!

Wow---that baby is gonna taste goooooooooooooooooooooooooood.

I have been asked by several people if I lost weight. Not that I can tell. My super-sized booty is still there.

But I have learned that I can certainly live, and do just fine, without meat in my diet. And I have proven my incredible willpower. If I want to do something, want to accomplish a difficult feat, I will do it. I have what it takes to do anything I so desire.

Okay, not that this little test was a 5,000 mile trek through the Andes or anything, but in our deep-fried, fast food, candy obsessed country (especially here in the South) failing to succumb to life's little edible pleasures it pretty damn good.

The funny thing is that chicken is on the menu for dinner tomorrow night. One of those nice, baked chickens that I have been smelling once weekly for the past month....and I'm really not that excited about stepping back into the carnivorous world (other than that damn sausage).

Have I been converted?

Doubtful. But I'll keep you posted.

A Time for Anger

I find humanity's interpretation of time to be rather interesting. Let's face it, it is a strange 'entity'. No one really ever knows what time it is; no one really knows when time began. So why do we place so much emphasis on it?

Americans, especially, are always in a rush, trying to beat the clock. There is never enough time in the day, time is money and time is of the essence. Hmmm.

My favorite, though, has always been New Year's Eve. We believe that a new year marks a new beginning. That not only will all of our woes suddenly disappear, but happiness and good luck will become us.

Goofy as it all is, I'm counting on 2009's conclusion--and 2010's arrival--to do just that.

I can't remember a year, in at least the last decade, that has been so...stricken by bad luck. From its onset to the current moment, it seems as though anything that can go wrong will, that any realizations I have are negative and that nothing wants to...cooperate.

It's been a year of deep thinking and realization. Lately I've just been angry.

I'm angry at people, at society, at the system. I'm mad that such things as 'group projects' exist in my classes. I'm tired of how crooked our political system is...not only nationally, but locally. That people won't fight for their rights annoys me. And that I allowed the Department of the Interior to use me not once, but THREE times, makes me grow increasingly angry at my own stupidity.

I don't even know where to begin....but, somewhat foolishly, I am hoping that the New Year and its cultural significance will come to the rescue. That I can start anew and wipe away the annoyances that have so plagued me this calendar year.

*There were all of those 'close calls', like my sister just barely escaping what would have been a horrific car accident and my mother and I barely missing (by about 15 minutes) an armed robbery at our local bank.

*The wrath of Tenasty and the seemingly endless pleas to the community; the trips to Austin; door-to-door petition signings; public speeches; press conferences. And don't forget the stress and sadness that accompanies. I don't know if there could be much worse news than that a coal plant is moving in next door...

A recent talk with my neighbor confirmed that her MS is no longer in remission, likely from the stress associated with our 'fight' to keep our neighborhood peaceful. Put simply, it is making a lot of people very sick.

*How about the job that I was sure to get? The one at a Visitor Center where I have [since] dedicated three summers...for free. I don't mind volunteering, and I am hoping that the experience will further benefit me in the future. But claiming that I didn't fill out my application the right way as an excuse to why I wasn't hired is...a bunch of bull. Someone, somewhere doesn't want me to work there. I don't know why and likely never will. But it is beyond obvious to me. To hear that other individuals volunteering at these localities and with these agencies for a shorter time period than I are receiving job offers only angers me more. Obviously, I can't blame them [the volunteers]. But I can't ever remember being used so blatantly and being hurt so deeply. Considering the stellar references and high praise that I have received from my managers, I can only assume that
A. My strong work ethic intimidates someone...and that someone won't allow for me to get a job
B. I am female, and women don't belong in Alaska (?)
C. Because I have a horrible back, I am being discriminated against. It has happened many times before, trust me...and it will likely happen again.

Sorry if I sound nuts, but countless hours thinking about it haven't rendered much more in terms of explanation. Plus, I warned you that I am angry. This issue...man, it makes me mad and just...makes me sad.

*We lost three family members this year. Two I met so long ago that I don't remember them. One was my last living grandparent.

*Further mess came with the roommate this past summer who, honestly, caused for unnecessary health issues. I was literally sick for weeks, and eating little, because her horrible attitude and dislike for me was so troubling. As much as I try not to let others influence me, she turned my summer into one of the worst that I can remember.

*And don't get me started on the group project that is due in a month. You know, the one that I have been bugging my 'team-mates' to start for over 5 weeks. Our leader has gone MIA, seriously. He disappeared into thin air several weeks back. If I ever teach, I will only assign group work out of revenge. If I live through this semester I will be quite pleased. Between the weirdo Harvard and MIT educated land-use managers who expect the unexpected out of us, to this group paper...I might flip.

But anger and annoyance isn't necessarily a bad thing for me. Anger gets me moving; I accomplish lots. And I get my own [harmless] revenge. I'm currently working on several applications for the summer. Yup--they include big oil companies. If the DOI doesn't appreciate my love for the environment and desire to preserve wild-Alaska, then I will put my education to different uses [or at least try]. I'm certainly no dummy. I was once ashamed to flaunt my past achievements, but don't care anymore. I was Valedictorian; I was Magna cum Laude; I'm a few classes away from an M.S.---don't tell me that I don't know how to fill out an application.

And my anger has led to all that we have accomplished as far as Tenasty goes. Well, not mine solely, but it didn't hurt. Never in my life did I think I would walk through town, door-to-door, talking with strangers and begging for their signatures. Never did I think I would make public speeches before hundreds of audience members, plus news media, cameras, lawyers and judges. I never expected to walk the halls of my State Capital Building with a dedicated meaning and purpose. It has all made me so much stronger. I couldn't have done it if I wasn't totally pissed.

It is all who you know and not what you know. That statement is amazingly accurate, and holds true to all aspects of life. If just one of us out here in the sticks had money to burn and just a little bit of influence, there wouldn't be a fight to fight. If I was great friends with just one 'big-wig' at a great company, I would have no trouble getting a job.

So....I am awaiting the arrival of the New Year. I am counting on time to heal my woes; to wipe away this year's damage. I don't mean to sound morbid and depressing, because I'm not. In all honesty, I look back at the year's events thus far and sometimes just smile. It is all a lesson, I am sure, but one that has exhausted my family and myself. Perhaps when the clock strikes midnight on December 31st I will feel the weight lift and laugh, knowing that time heals all wounds....

Fake Chicken and Front Pages

Sigh.

Ever stop and ask yourself what on earth you are doing?

I am eating fake chicken nuggets (which aren't bad...weird, but not bad) and have my face plastered all over the news and newspapers. Have I lost my mind?

Or am I just too stubborn to give in?

Or do I just not give a damn anymore?

I don't care if I end up on death's door; I'll complete my month-long anti-meat 'experiment'. I've come this far, right?

And it will take a lot to shut me up in regards to Tenasty and their evil ways. I'll be honest, I watch my back now. I expect threats.

But I have come to realize that, not only am I a severely determined individual, I just don't care very much anymore. Care about what others think, that is.

I am not sure that I ever really did care. I was just forced to care. We all are. Society has a way of making us feel bad for being...different. And determining who is different is a science that I have yet to master. I don't think anyone has that one down...

I was always fairly uncool growing up. I wore what I wanted, never giving in to the 'trendy' stuff. I wore my hair however I pleased, and hung out with whomever would befriend me.

I can't say that much has changed.

But there comes a day when we realize that we aren't 'cool'. That we are of the [supposed] few who dare to do things differently and live how we want rather then how 'they' tell us to. When we realize that we are what 'they' classify as 'different'.

It didn't always bother me. In high school I could not have cared less that I was weird. In fact, people knew me because of it. I got picked on for not being of the perfect body shape and size. I got laughed at because I got straight-A's. Usually I could just shrug it off, however. Usually.

It was sometime after all the surgery that I became extremely self-conscious.

A combination of huge scars running down my back and onto my hips and an overall feeling of dread and defeat plagued me. This was only exacerbated when I was 22 and realized that I needed to retire in order to maintain some semblance of health.

Rough times.

But as I get older, and deal with all of the shit people throw at me, I am getting more and more back to the point where I just don't care.

At the risk of sounding snobby, there is a certain image that I do want to portray, don't get me wrong. I want to be seen as one of intelligence and class, hard-work and determination. I don't want to be seen as some hillbilly bum who does nothing all day; some stupid, bimbo little girl. This is the way the average person treats me and it pisses me off.

I have to remain true to who I am. Last year I started changing my attitude (slightly) and clothing upon hanging around multi-multi-millionaires. I realized quickly that it wasn't me. I am who I am, ratty clothing and all. I am the type of person who could be a billionaire and would fool everyone...I would still dress the same, act the same and live the same.

So what was my point in all of this rambling?

To some I am seen as a hero. They thank me for being brave enough to stand up against these corporate giants. They thank me for bringing out the truth and calling them on their lies.

Others see me as the devil, most likely. I can almost guarantee that I am high on the 'hit list' for some of the City and Tenasty representatives right now. Proponents of the plant likely see my image all over the news and cringe.

But why should I back down? Why should I let them win? And, most importantly, why should I care what they think of me?

We live in a free country (sort of). It is my right to voice my opinion; My right to eat weird wannabe chicken. These people who get so amazingly angry at the fact that I dare speak up make me laugh. If we all thought alike, what would be the point? A good argument is healthy. It is healthy for those of us directly engaged and those who choose to watch on the sidelines. It makes people THINK. Something that I oftentimes wonder if the average American does much of anymore...

So be who you are. Eat fake chicken and have your face plastered all over every form of media in the area. Be on the 'most wanted list' of every greedy creep on the opposing side. If you are doing something that is meaningful and fulfilling TO YOU, who cares what the 'others' think...?

Be different. It is those who dare challenge the 'norms' of society who truly live.

Damn Chicken Nuggets

I am exactly two weeks into my "no-meat" campaign.

I have been dreaming about chicken nuggets.

Don't ask me why--I rarely ever eat them. Must be the fact that I can't have them.

Oh, to savor that juicy, greasy excellence would be a dream come true, literally.

It's all I think about.

But for whatever reason, I have yet to break into the box of imitation chicken nuggets I bought last week. Yeah, they are vegetarian chicken nuggets. Something about it just doesn't seem 'right.'

Plus, my sister has to consistently ask about my "fake chicken" and how it tastes.

Fake chicken.


Two weeks to go.


Oh dear.

Taking the Stand

"Please state your name."

"Whitney Root. R-O-O-T."

"And your address."

"XXX CR XXX, Trent"

"How far do you live from the proposed plant?"

"Approximately a mile and a half."

"And do you have any concerns?"

So began my testimony this morning in a preliminary 'trial' for a contested case hearing regarding an air permit for the proposed coal plant that has disrupted the lives of so many in our tiny area. Never, EVER, did I think I would find myself in a situation as such, fighting a $6 BILLION company, the city "representatives" (and I use that term amazingly loosely), the entirety of the coal movement....and even climate change legislation.

Sounds crazy, I know. Trust me, there are moments when I wonder if I am living in some severely warped dream, one that will seemingly never end. The proponents are greedy, willing to threaten people to get their way. And they have, on several occasions. Even an inkling of a brain cell in a semi-intelligent being tells one that the city 'representatives' have all been paid off or offered good jobs, great stock options...whatever. They have some sort of incentive, besides "clean coal", to want a filthy, ugly, water-consuming monster associated with their names.

It all boils down to one word:

GREED

And then there is 'us'. 'Us' being all who live directly in the line of fire. 'Us' who live outside the city so as to allow ourselves the opportunity to breathe semi-clean air, live quiet lifestyles, and basically all but hide out from the perils of mankind. 'Us' who are perceived as poor, stupid and worthless.

Unfortunately for Tenasty, as we refer to them, we are not stupid. Many of us are not poor (myself not included!). And I argue with anyone who considers us worthless. In fact, through this fight, I have met some amazingly intelligent, well-rounded individuals. They are thinkers; independent thinkers at that. They read. They educate themselves. They prepare. And most importantly, they don't back down.

We are fighting against the odds. We don't have the finances, the big-time lawyers and the backing of the coal industry. We can't pay people off, influence the ways of the media or get people fired for having an opinion.

But even through the thick fog or, perhaps more fitting, the thick soot, there is much hope for us. We do have much going in our favor and we have accomplished A LOT.

Tenasty came into this project with the assumption that us poor-folk would be easy to deal with. I strongly believe that the city 'representatives' assured them that the entirety of the area was pro-Tenasty. Then we showed up. Not only did we catch them completely off guard, but we didn't go away. We expanded. We spoke up. We showed up to meetings, wrote letters to the editor, went to Austin. The original plan, on their part, was to begin construction on this plant by 2009. We have successfully pushed that date back to late 2010 at the earliest.

What does this mean? Well, we are costing them lots of money. Okay, a couple hundred mill' to a company of this stature is nothing more than change in their pockets. But investors are surely getting antsy and questioning the viability of the project. They are paying lawyers, and likely paying them damn well. They are spending money on propaganda, advertising and buying more people out.

They despise us.

Chances are likely that Tenasty will get their air permit come next summer. This is the most vital step in their long process. It is at this point when they can begin building. But not only can a lot happen in a few months' time, but we presented a great group of individuals and organizations before the judge today, and I feel we have a great case going for us.

My mom represented the Sierra Club. I stood for Environmental Defense Fund. Our non-profit, Multi-County Coalition, was there, as was Public Citizen.

At times I get very down. It is hard not to when faced with an issue like this....and especially when it is staring you in the face at all times. But then I stop and recognize all of the people who are out there working for us, 24/7. They are giving their precious time for us. Many get paid very little, or nothing at all. They have time for little else other than fighting against coal.

I mentioned earlier that we are fighting against climate change legislation. Should the cap-and-trade legislation get passed, and carbon dioxide be priced higher than the current recommendation of $28, this plant will likely succeed. Without carbon priced at at least $40 per ton it will fail.

I currently hate cap-and-trade.

"My main concern revolves around the fact that I have severe scoliosis and kyphosis. I have had this for about 12 years. It will not get better; it will not go away. I am stuck with it for life. Due to the many twists in my spine and the muscles in my back and my ribs that are so tight, I don't breathe as easily as a "normal" person does. It can be hard to breathe and can be very painful. Considering how close I will be to this plant, I am very concerned with the toxic emissions that will be released--mercury, nitrous oxides, sulfur dioxide. I am concerned about the particulate matter--the soot, the ash. Not only do I worry about my overall well-being, but how these pollutants will further affect the problems I already have--my bones, my nerves, my muscles, my breathing. These are poisons that will be released into the air. That is not okay with me. This is my home; where I live, eat, breathe, sleep, walk. It is very important to me, and has been expressed by many doctors for many years, that I remain active. I walk up and down Stink Creek Road regularly. But if a coal plant is going to be staring down at me, I will have to ask myself if taking walks will further benefit me or hurt me."

True to my luck, I ended up on all three news stations giving my speech. But even if I inspire one other person to speak up for what s/he believes it is worth the effort.

And who knows, we may win this thing after all. It isn't over. The fight is far from finished. We won't back down.

Let's Get Physical

So, I am back in Physical Therapy...again. Actually I have been for several weeks now.

This has been an ongoing 'chore' since I was seventeen. In and out of who-knows-how-many therapists' offices at this point.

I guess I shouldn't call it a 'chore'. I asked for it, and have for the past three years. While I am not convinced that it does me much good, it gets me moving, allows for some much-needed muscle masssage and helps a little with the stiffness that almost cripples me some days.

The sad part is that, once I actually do start feeling some progress....I get cut off. They tell me I am 'better' and that there isn't much more they can do.

"Do your exercises at home", is a line that I have heard over and over. Let's be honest. Even the most die-hard, determined individual is going to slack-off when it comes to participating in boring, painful and hard-to-accomplish exercises on their own.

I never keep up with them.

My therapist commented on my muscles just last week, surprised at how stiff they actually are.

"I can't hardly tell if this is muscle or bone", he remarked.

Which gets me to the main point for writing this entry.

Our nation is currently at a dire moment in its history---in my opinion. There are millions of people living daily without medical insurance, with lots of pain, and going broke because of it. It's an embarrassment, as far as I am concerned. Considering that we claim to be such a powerful and [somewhat] progressive nation, why are we allowing people to DIE because they don't have money to LIVE?

No one should have to live in pain, be sick or DIE because they don't have medical insurance. I think the number was somewhere around 122 people per day whose lives cease to exist because of someone else's greed.

Is this what we have come to? We are nothing more than a nation of kings and serfs. We are going backwards rather than forward.

So everytime I rant about the lack of help and/or relief that physical therapy really provides for me, I must stop myself. At least I am getting it. At least I am being given the chance to feel better, to get those massages, to lay on that amazingly warm heating pad. When I am released this time around, I WILL stick to my stretches and continue to work on my horrific posture.

I owe it to those who are not so fortunate.

Herbi

During the latter parts of 2006 I spent six weeks volunteer/interning at a no-kill animal sanctuary. There was no pay, no housing, no nothing. But they did feed us once per day.

The other interns and I thus vowed to 'stock up' at lunch, ingesting gross amounts of food so as to avoid having to spend much money, otherwise, on foodstuffs of our own.

I had no trouble with this idea. Anyone who knows me recognizes that I have the appetite of a 300 pound man (or anybody who eats A LOT). Where it all goes, and how it all stays there is beyond me...sort-of (I do have some serious booty). Either way, I can eat with the best of them.

Being a no-kill organization, it was not surprising to learn that our lunches would be a mix of vegetarian and vegan dishes, coupled with one of the most beautiful salad bars that I have ever seen. Honestly, I was in heaven. I love veggies, love when others do the cooking, and soon realized that I loved how I felt, sans meat.

It was therefore determined that I would go vegetarian for the entirety of my six weeks at the sanctuary. I can honestly say that I felt wonderful while there and...almost made it to the end of the internship without a burger. I could hear it yelling my name one night, I swear!

So, to get to present-day...

Amongst my 101 things... list is the desire to 'be a vegetarian' for one full month. Why?

There are a few reasons.

First, it is hard work. Really. Especially when others aren't doing the cooking and you are surrounded by people who regularly eat meat. At the sanctuary, remember, we were greeted with that luscious salad bar and absolutely delicious--and nutritionally balanced--dishes to choose from. I, unfortunately, don't have that luxury. Therefore, it turns into quite the challenge. Although I am not really a big meat eater anyway, sometimes the thought of gnawing on a chicken leg is amazingly tempting.

Second, I really did feel better when I took the meat out of my diet. Perhaps it was a combination of several factors, but I liked the results. So, I wanted to see how much of an influence meat had/has on my overall well-being.

Today marks day 5 as a full-on herbivore. I can't say that I feel great...or that I feel horrible, for that matter. I do worry that I don't get the proper nutrients in my diet, but considering the way I eat on a regular basis, I probably haven't for a long time! For nutritional purposes I will allow myself the occasional can of tuna. Fish is part of some vegetarians' diets anyway.

Whether I will make it the whole 30 days or not is debatable at this point. The mesquite sliced turkey and the left-over fast food fried chicken were yelling at me earlier. Screaming, really. It was so rude.